Archive for February, 2007

“Fox-Face McBrainDamage”

February 18, 2007

A dwarf went out one day to chop some wood, but he was interupted by a fox. He thinks to himself “It’s my chance to shine!” and leaps onto the fox, battle axe swinging.

He seems to have attacked the fox face first. Not only is he half blind now, the fox also bit off his nose (his nose! ow!) and gave him pretty severe brain damage. So now the poor fool falls unconcious every 5 seconds or so. It was amusing at first, but now the job cancelled messages are bugging me. Plus a load of immigrants just arrived and bedrooms are at a premium.

Fox-face McBrainDamage, I’d like to introduce you to the crushing drawbridge of death. *squish*…

Edit: in the end I decided to put him on the bridge over the chasm, which was under repeated attacks from batmen, in the hope that he could die a hero’s death. He did manage to take down a batman fairly easily, but it took out his other eye and broke his right arm, left leg, and mangled his spleen in the process. It also must have nudged him in the head a bit more, because now he falls unconcious every few seconds- meaning he cant eat, drink or sleep. He’s currently dieing a slow, agonising death in the middle of the food stockpile, reaching out to a barrel of beer every few seconds before slumping down unconcious again.

Ezum the Terrible

February 18, 2007

A kobloid thief was spotted by Ezum, whle she was out chopping wood. I expected her to run away, leaving the thieving scum to get caught in my cage traps. But no! Without skipping a beat, Ezum beheads the kobloid, and sends his head flying off about 10 spaces. Then she picks up the body and takes it to the refuse heap, before calmly going inside and eating her dinner.

Cave-in Claims 2 Dwarfs

February 16, 2007

I just lost two dwarf in a cave-in. It was my fault, I miscounted when assigning the area to be mined. I lost a mason (which pissed me off, I’ve only got four) and a metalsmith. The groovy bit is, they got two different messages- one was crushed under the collapsing ceiling, the other killed by falling rocks. Sure enough, there was only one corpse (the mason) in the room when the dust cleared- the other had presumably been caught under one of the now collapsed sections.

Nicely detailed, you say. But wait! A while later chokeing clouds of purple miasma began to fill the room, pissing off the dwarfs hanging out in the newly dedicated statue garden. As they all seemed to be eminating from one of the collapsed piles of rock, I got a miner to dig it up- revealing the now fairly rotten corpse of the metalsmith. The dwarfs carted him away to his coffin, and I placed a statue there in his memory; the poor, rotten bastard.

Adamantium

February 16, 2007

I know it’s only a placeholder for an endgame that’s going to be written, but it’s horrible all the same.

Want your fortress to go on? Don’t mine the adamantium past the pits. Just… don’t. One hundred and fifty dwarfs, all dead. I didn’t even get to see them die.

New fortress just started up, but I’m looking for new challenges- I think I’ll try and be totally self-sufficient, and kill any traders who dare to enter my realm. That might be nice. Better stories to follow, I promise.

Nobles, everywhere…

February 12, 2007

10 of them at once- A baron and his wife, a king and queen, a tax collector, a Hammerer, and a few guild reps as well. A couple of interesting things- a dungeon master, who is a pretty good metalsmith and lets me tame exotic animals (like monkeys!). Also, I got a message “the king has turned up, dressed as a peasant!”. There were 6 peasants, I havent a clue which one is him. I’m either going to let it play out, presumably with him jumping out at some point as shouting “Boo! I was the king all along!”, or organise all the new peasant into a squad and take them out to wrestle Cougars.

I’ve got a plan to get a bit more of a military challenge going too- having wiped out the goblins and all. The last time the elves came to trade I just siezed all of their goods. Hopefully the treehugging hippy scum will attack soon- I’ve built a new drawbridge in my enterance hall that crushes people to death. I tested it on a small crippled cat and it seems to work fine.

Frogmen invaded. The first I know about it was looking at the river and seeing it run red with blood- my traps had caught them all before a dwarf could spot them and raise the alarm. I’m a bit disapointed- I still havent sent Blind Bill (now re-named Daredevil) into battle yet.

Unlucky Sue

February 9, 2007

Unlucky Sue got the shitty end of life’s stick. She was married to a rookie marksdwarf (whose name I forget), and they were happy as can be- she tended the fields while he defended the fortress from groundhogs. She was a pretty good mason too- the even made a legendary artifact, a limestone table which she carried everywhere. Her strength had increased so much from her skill boost after builing it that it hardly slowed her at all. Her and her husband lived together for a while, and she got pregnant. Surely nothing could go wrong.
Then it all went wrong.  The hubby was out hunting for groundhogs when a cougar jumped from ambush, and promptly tore him into 8 different chunks before his squadmates could shoot it down. Sue instantly fell into a deep depression, and had a tantrum- she kicked two cats across the room, killing one and breaking another’s spine. A passing guard saw and beat her unconcious.

When she woke up she was tied to a tether in jail, and her unborn baby was dead. She’d miscarried while she was unconcious. From then on she was “beserk”. Anyone entering the jail to feed her or try and subdue her was beaten to death with her prized limestone table. In the end, I got a noble to pull the “Death Lever”, just outside the door to the jail, which flooded the jail. She’s finally at peace- the only reminder of her life is a crippled cat in the corner of the dining room, which crawls around pathetically and passes out from the pain every few minutes.

Everything in this is true, and the only input I had was ordering the husband to go on patrol and pulling the lever at the end. The rest played out on it’s own.

Blind Bill

February 9, 2007

Holy shit, this is the acest game ever. One dude (axedwarf, my only one) got his eyes cut out in the last invasion. After the awesomeness that were my marksdwarfs in the last invasion, I’ve switched the last few hand-to-hand fighters to marksdwarfs too. This guy’s practicing archery in the barracks and he’s just firing in random directions (like off to the side, or directly behind him), not hitting anything, especially the target.

Obviously his new nickname is Blind Bill, but I’m wondering what to do with him. I could keep him as a soldier for the comedy of it, but I’m curious about what his craftwork, or stone carving (for example) will be like. Suggestions?

February 9, 2007

I just had a goblin invasion- 150 goblins, with about 20 trolls (who tear down locked doors like paper). My marksmen eventually kill their king (turning elite in the process) and they rout, with a master swordsman chasing them. He takes down 10 fleeing goblins, and doesnt slow down even one of them pierces his lung with an arrow. He’s not even slowed down now- just a bit winded. Normally a red wound on an internal organ kills pretty quickly- this guy isnt even in bed. What a monster.

I only lost three dwarfs in that whole siege, and had to build two new refuse piles for the corpses of my enemies. Oh, and the row of cage traps just inside my enterance means I now have 3 trolls and an elite axegoblin in my zoo, for the children to come and look at.

February 9, 2007

This blog is dedicated to stories from Dwarf Fortress, an amazing game. Play it.